Saturday, January 31, 2009

#23 on the list of things that confuse me

Celine Dion

On so many levels.

First of all - Celine Dion is without question the worst dancer in the universe. So how does it work that the best choreographer in the universe, Mia Michaels ends up working with her? In her Vegas show A new brand new day something new day I don't know what the title is it doesn't matter she confuses me anyway whatever... ack, stop. ok.

So Mia Michaels is brilliant. Celine Dion is not. (although I grudgingly will admit that's debatable) Mia surrounds Celine with some of the best dancers in the world and manages to make Celine look good. Thought about logically, it should be the other way around. However, since we have already established that Mia Michaels is brilliant, it TOTALLY works. She manages to make Celine's horribly awkward movements appear quirky and deliberate. Genius.

Side bar - I ALWAYS spell genius wrong. Always. Crap.

Back to Celine. How does she get her voice to warble like that? Why is it that her hair always seems to have movement to it? Is she is followed around by a giant portable fan? Why does she always close her eyes when she is singing? Why does her arm always raise up in the air like that? What is she pointing at? Does she have any idea how crazy she looks?

Ok - but all that said - why is it that whenever her Vegas show is on, I always seem to accidentally find it and accidentally leave it on? I really, really want to hate on Celine Dion but I can't! It's like trying to scold an orphan who spits on your shoe. You know you should tell that orphan off and teach him a lesson but you go to do it and 'awwww, but he's an orphan!' and D'Oh! foiled! That's me and Celine.

God help me but when I hear "To love you more" I don't even fight the urge to grab my chest and sing passionately along - and then when the music stops for that one hot second and then comes in all big again. Sigh. Magic.

Damn you Celine!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

there is such a thing as too direct....

One of the things that I love about Wisconsin is the straight talk approach that many people take. No fuss, no filler – maybe a little too nice sometimes, but for the most part, honest and straight forward.

However.

When it comes to marketing strategies, I am usually a fan of having a little bit of Рer, mystery. A bit of élan. A touch of class, perhaps.

Every day I drive past this company in its little strip mall. And every day I cringe when I see the sign by the side of the road.

Baby Preview.

Do you know what Baby Preview does? Can you take a wild guess? Yes. They are an ultrasound company.

You literally get a preview of your baby.

Or maybe even someone else’s baby. Hey, why not convince a preggers to come in and take some glamour shots inside her lady business? Really, whatever flips your pancakes. Because from this delicate name, we’ve clearly established that this joint is nothing if not elegant and sophisticated.

Now come on Baby Preview – isn’t there any other way to establish your core competency without punching me in the face?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Ukraine disapoints me.

It's never easy to be a gymnastics fan - your favorites are always either growing and quitting or becoming head cases or blowing it at crucial moments or just plain sucking when they're supposed to be rocking. However, being a fan of Ukrainian gymnastics is particularly painful. Like, stab self in stomach painful. This team used to be known for quality and innovation but now the most innovating thing about the Ukraine is the way it constantly manages to find new and exciting ways to disappoint it's fans.

The country that gave us these talents....
Lilia Podkopayeva
Tatiana Lysenko
Alina Kozich
Tatiana Gutsu
....to name only a few (the few that I felt like looking up and could remember how to spell their darn names)

Has now given us THIS....

Mega sigh

Perhaps she was a bit rattled because she did just come off the uneven bars where she did THIS...

But in case you were wondering what kind of progress she's made lately.... WELL... (make sure you catch the end, it's er - spectacular?)

It's just so sad to watch a country with that much history and some truly talented gymnasts flop around with falls, head cases and just plain stupid mistakes. This is a team that has the ability to place in the medals every time but it's like they hold a team meeting before every big competition and say "ok guys, how should we totally blow it THIS time???"
Can you guys PLEASE stop having that meeting?

I think I have a new name for the Ukraine - "Ughkraine"
(clever huh?)

The return of Lord Prissy Pants


The good news is that Lord Prissy Pants has returned to his family. The bad news is that he's currently frozen to the ground.

Am working towards undertanding how my little gnome could have ended up in said position.